Hindi Jokes & Hindi sms

husband-talak lena hai,
advocate-talak lene ke liye 5000rp lagenge,
husband-pagal ho kya?pandit ne 51rp me shadi kari thi.
advocate-dekh liye na saste ka Natija!!

Waiter-Apne samose aur pakodon ko andar se kha liya, lekin bahar ka saara chhod diya! Aisa kyon?Customer-Kyonki doctor ne kaha hai, bahar ka khaana mat khao..

Husband : Jab mein aache clothes pehenkar bazaar jata hu to sabziwale
sabzi mehngi dete hai. Jab gande kapde pehenkar jata hu to saste.
Wife : Tum katora lekar jaya karo na, free me hi sabzi mil jayegi!

Lady drinking coke, machhar falls in. Lady takes it out, machhar says "MAA"! Lady asks why did you call me "MAA"? machhar says, "Main teri coke se nikla hoon, MAA!"..

Teacher: Agar apna character sudharna hai to sab auraton ko MAA kaha karo.
Student: Madam is se mera character to theek rahega, par mere baap ka bigad jayega.

A sweet girl goes to Ram's shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao. 
Ram sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya.

Mallika went to a swimming pool in a BRA & PANTY.
Guard: Madam here 2 piece costume is not allowed!
Mallika: Kaun sa utaroon?

Wife: Kya kar rahe ho?
Man: Makkhiya maar rha hu.
Wife: Kitni mari?
Man: 3 male aur 2 female.
Wife: Kaise malum?
Man: Kyonki 3 daru ki botal se chipki thi or 2 phone se

Patient to Doc: Aapne nurse bahut achhi rakhi hai, uska haath lagte hi main theek ho gaya.
Doctor:            Jaanta hu, thappad ki awaaz mujhe bhi sunai di thi.

A guy in a mental hospital, placed two stones in his ears ..

The doctor asked him,
"What are you doing?"

he replied,
"I'm listening to ROCK music!"

After robbing the bank,  robber to clerk : Did you see me robbing?
Clerk : Yes I saw u.
Robber killed him and asked to the next clerk : Did u?
Second Clerk : No, but my wife saw u

Ek Sardar apne Marriage Certificate ko ek ghante se dekh raha tha.
Biwi boli: tussi inni der se ki dekh rahe ho?
Sardar:     Expiry Date dekh raha hu.

Patni- Shadi K Pehle Aap Roz Gift Dete The, Par Ab Nai Dete, Kyu?
Pati-  Tune Kabhi Kisi Machware Ko Machli Pakdne K Baad Use Dana Dalte Dekha Hai ?

Ek din Sardar jungle se gujar raha tha
Chudail ne use roka aur kaha : Ho ho ho Ha ha ha…Mein Chudail hu.
Sardar : Menu pata hai…kyunki teri ek behen meri biwi hai!

Ek chor Sardar jee k mobile ko lekar bhag raha tha.Sardar hasne laga
Banta :  Wo tumhare mobile ko lekar bhag raha hai aur tum hans rahe ho.
Sardar : Bhagne do, charger to mere paas hai!

                          

Wen U Cry:- Koi Nhi Dekta.
Wen U Worid:- Koi Nhi Dekta.

Wen U Hapy:- Koi Nhi Dekta.

Lekin 1 Din DATE Pe Chale Jao,
Saala Pura Khandan Dhek Leta Hai

Maa-Nalayak Kaha Thi Itni Raat Tak?
Beti-Boyfriend Ke Saath,
Maa-Kar Aayi Na Muh Kala,
Beti-Toh Kya Hua Maa Fair & Lovely Hai Na. . .

Raj : Mujhe mobile me MP3 songs dalwane hai.
Mobile Shop Wala : Memory card hai kya?
Raj : Nahi memory card nahi hai, RASAN CARD chalega?

Sardar Dukhi Tha
Kisi Ne Pucha: Kyu Tension Me Ho?
Sardar:             Yaar Ek Dost Ko plastic Surgery K Liye 2 Lakh Diye,
                         Ab Saale Ko Pehchan Nahi pa raha hu

 

Pati aur patni ghumne gaye. Raaste me ek gadhe ko ghaas kata dekh
patni ne pati se kaha – Oo G tumhara rishtedaar ghaas kha raha hai, namaste karo.
Pati –                           Namaste Sasur Ji